Back in 2015, I knowingly blew up my life

Back in 2015, I knowingly blew up my life.

That is not an exaggeration. That is not hyperbole. It is, quite simply, a thing I did because it was the right thing to do.

At the time, I was at the top of my career. I’d just been awarded a $12 million grant. I was an officer in multiple professional societies. My podcasting was continuing to grow, and I was traveling the world to promote science.

But then I gave voice to victims of sexual harassment who had been brave enough to come forward. I did what you are supposed to do as a society officer and a senior researcher — I reported the information that was brought to me. I did what I could to make sure this one particular man would never again harm any future women.

And I had a congresswoman’s aid. I worked with Congresswoman Jackie Speier to try and say “never again”. You can read about what happened here and google as you will.

Honestly, this situation was the best a woman could possibly be in when reporting a sexual harasser. What happened to me should serve as a cautionary tale about why women are reluctant to report harassment and how our system works against them.

In late 2016, I was sued for $33 million in a defamation case brought against me for reporting what those women told me, for sharing the evidence they brought me, and for sharing my personal experiences.

Due to retaliation related to this lawsuit and all its trickle-down effects, I ultimately had to switch jobs twice, and my $12 million grant was canceled. A colleague trying to help me manage the situation was able to put together over 900 pages of documentation demonstrating how the cancelation was retaliation. The documentation was presented to the inspector general to no avail; there was no getting that grant back.

And all the while I was being utterly isolated by the lawsuit. At one point, I had an employer (not my current) who forbade me from discussing the lawsuit on pain of being fired. I lost my savings because I couldn’t ask for help through a legal advocacy fund. I was isolated from friends because I couldn’t talk to anyone in confidence: the lawsuit sought complete access to all my social media, all my emails, all my other digital communications (like texts), and all my hard drives. (They didn’t ultimately get it, but how could I have kept talking to people and risked things getting read into the record?) I had to leave…